I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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