Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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