I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
