I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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