11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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