laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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