Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
