and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
