Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
