You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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