i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
