Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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