I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
