No stitches, just platelets and will power
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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