Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Randomize
