Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
