If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
