Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
