after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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