Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
