OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
