just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
