I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
she told me i tasted like america
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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