She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
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I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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