hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
