Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
