Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
