taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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