it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize