I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
