and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
