my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
