We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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