last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You are the jesus of drinking
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
