Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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