My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
