Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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