Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
