you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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