I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
