I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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