1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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