Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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