Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
