I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
