i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
