I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
