I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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