I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
