she woke up with a sticky ear
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
