hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
