He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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