I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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