She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
