I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
