in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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