i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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